


I’d rather go blind (than live in a world without you in it)

by Of_Ballgowns_Books_and_Tea (Pearl_Antics)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Feels, Halloween, Oneshot, cause jily halloween, duh - Freeform, go forth with caution, guys I gave myself feels writing this, jily, ok this is really sappy and rambly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 01:35:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3510281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Antics/pseuds/Of_Ballgowns_Books_and_Tea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>She was Lily and he was James, and they had a love story for the ages, one that ended far too soon.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Halloween, and it was a perfectly normal evening in the Potter household. Well, as normal as Halloween in a house with James Potter in it could ever be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’d rather go blind (than live in a world without you in it)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah...so I wrote this in two hours-ish, because I had unexpected free time and Jily, c'mon guys do I need a reason?
> 
>  
> 
> Lightly beta'd, proceed with caution as to sappy feels. Oneshot. (duh?)

 

      It was a perfectly normal evening in the Potter household. Well, as normal as Halloween in a house with James Potter in it could ever be.

 

      There might not have been carved pumpkins on the front porch, and no trick-or-treaters would be walking up the steps of their little cottage in Godric’s Hollow, but inside, there was an undeniably festive atmosphere. Lily had charmed orange lanterns to hover in the air, just as she had done as Head Girl for the Great Hall in Hogwarts, and the remnants of a pumpkin that James and Harry–although mostly James–had carved earlier lay on the dining room table. The smell of delicious food wafted down the hall, and Lily, coming down the stairs holding Harry, sniffed appreciatively.

 

      “James, dear, that smells wonderful. Do you need help?” Lily called as she put Harry down in his playpen.

 

      “No, that’s alright. Could you clean the pumpkin off the dining room table? I really shouldn’t leave my Famous Pumpkin Pie.” Lily grinned as James stuck his head out from the kitchen, hair ridiculously mussed.

 

      “Famous Pumpkin Pie?” Lily couldn’t help but laugh at the picture James made, hair going in all directions and flour on his face.

 

      “Oh, indeed. All caps, that is. My pumpkin pie is world-renowed!” James boasted, a smirk on his face.

 

      “I see,” Lily said. “I don’t suppose this famous pumpkin pie of yours has a timer? One that is going off right now in particular?” James stared at her for a second, then released a particularly colorful selection of swears as he whirled around back into the kitchen.

 

      “Not in front of Harry!” Lily called after him.

 

      “Yes, love! _Shite_ , uh, I mean, bollocks, I’m horrid at this.” James groaned from the kitchen. “It’s not as if Harry even understands me yet!”

 

      Lily just snorted. “James, love. Don’t even try. I put the swear jar in the kitchen earlier, so pay up. ”

 

      “Yes, dear,” James sighed. “Bloody swear jar. Why did I ever let her do that, bloody pushover I am,” he muttered under his breath.

 

      “JAMES! I heard that!” Lily yelled from the dining room.

 

      “ _Rats_.” James pulled the pie out of the oven, and then walked up behind Lily, wrapping his arms around her. He planted a kiss on her neck, then, still holding onto her, twisted around her body to give her his best winsome grin. Lily looked down at James peering up at her, feet still firmly planted behind her, coiled about her like a spring of Devil's Snare.

 

      “Honestly, sometimes I don’t know if it’s you or Harry who’s the child here,” Lily sighed.

 

      “You _loveeeeeee_ me!” James singsonged, still twisted around her and grinning manically up at her.

 

      “Somedays, I’m not so sure of that…” Lily said, smirking at the affronted look on his face.

 

      “Oi! I’ll have you know, you did marry me, so you must love me in some way!” James groused, pouting petulantly.

 

      Lily softened. “Yes, I did, you git.” Bending down, she planted a kiss on top of his head. “Now let go of me so we can eat.”

 

      James instantly perked up at the mention of food. “Ooo, and you can try my Famous Pumpkin Pie!” he sang as he bounded over the the kitchen to bring out the food. Lily smiled after him. Ever since they had had to give up fighting with the Order of the Phoenix and go into hiding to protect Harry, James had had to find a new way to challenge all of that restless energy in him, and cooking had been the result. He was surprisingly good at it, tackling it as he would any other challenge. Honestly, if he and his mates had put in even half as much energy into becoming Amigi, it was no surprise they’d managed it so young, and with no help. Just then, James, well, there was really no other word for it - James _pranced_ out of the kitchen, carrying far more food than one bloke should really be able to hold. Lily hurried over to help him out.

 

      “James, really. That’s what magic is for!” She scolded lightly, a smile on her face. She told herself that it was because James looked rather silly, trying to balance all those plates, but if she was being honest with herself, it was because the sight of James doing _anything_ always made her smile. She was in love with the idiot, after all.

 

      James smiled sheepishly at her. “Yeah, I know, I just forgot my wand in our room this morning. I was a bit _distracted_.”

 

      Lily arched an eyebrow at him, knowing that it was bother him as usual, since he still couldn’t do it. “Distracted by what, exactly?”

 

      James coughed, averting his eyes. “yougettingoutofourbed.”

 

      Lily began to grin. “Sorry, what was that?”

 

      James sighed. “I _said_ , you getting out of bed. To go get Harry. In just my shirt. And you hair was all fantastically mussed up and I could see the mark–”

 

      “Alright, ok, I get the idea!” Lily cut him off, blushing. It was ridiculous. They had been married for a while now, and had a _baby_ , for Merlin’s sake! She shouldn’t be blushing like this! But, alas, her complexion betrayed her as usual. “Just what about that was so enticing that you forgot your _wand_ , of all things?” Lily quickly asked, trying to diffuse attention from her–already–tomato red cheeks (and the fact she had left  _her_ wand in the living room).

 

      James looked at her, serious now. “You. All of you. I always find you distracting, Lily Potter, ever since I laid eyes on you. Yeah, it took me years to stop being a git, and learn to be good enough for you, and somedays I still can’t believe you’re mine, because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I love you, and you always look so perfect in my clothes, and you were going to get our child, our _child_ , and, I dunno, it was like it hit me all at once. I married you. You’re mine, the most beautiful woman in England, in the _world_ , is mine, and love you so much, so much Lily Potter. Lily _Potter_.”

 

      Lily looked up at him, eyes shining. “And I love you, James Potter, and I will always be yours, and you will always be mine.” She turned to the food arrayed on the table, that James had somehow managed to bring in without dropping. “Now, hurry up you git. The food is going to get cold. Get Harry, and I’ll set the rest up.”

 

      “Are you sure love? I can finish setting up, I don’t mind…”

 

      “No, you’ve already done all this, let me.” Lily began to move over to the table.

 

      “Alright, whatever you want, flower. I’ll go get Harry.” James dropped one last kiss on Lily, unable to resist the temptation of her mouth when it was right in front of him, and then turned away to get Harry out of the living room.

 

      Lily hummed under her breath as she set up the plates, and as she got the last place setting, in front of the window, she happened to glance out. And froze. There. On the pathway, moving up it as if it were not hidden, clad in that cloak, the Death Eater cloak… “JAMES!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

 

      “What?! Are you alright? Lily? Lily?! What is it?” James called from the other room, voice getting increasingly panicked as she didn’t answer. She wanted to call out to him, to tell him to run, that she loved him, to save himself and Harry, but was incapable of speaking around the lump in her throat. She wanted to scream, to cry. No, no no no, it was too soon, she hadn't had even a fraction of the time she wanted with James, with Harry, her baby, her _baby_ , about to die before he had even reached two, her baby, James, Harry, her _baby_ –

 

      “LILY! What is it?!” James’ panicked face appeared in the doorway, holding Harry. Unable to speak, Lily simply pointed out the window. James squinted past her, and then paled as he too realized what, or rather, _who_ , was coming up. His face hardened, and he handed Harry to Lily. “Here. Take Harry.” Reaching down, he grasped Lily’s face in his hands. “I love you. I always have, and I always will. No matter what. Remember that. I’ll try to buy you some time, grab my wand out of our bedroom, and try to take down the anti-Apparition wards. I love you. Always.” Leaning down, he captured Lily’s lips beneath his own, kissing her, trying to pour all of his love into one last kiss. He finally pulled back, although every ounce of him screamed to stay wrapped up in her forever.

 

      Lily traced one finger along his face, tears brimming in her eyes. She knew what James was asking her to do, asking her to leave him to die so she and Harry might, _might_ live. She looked into his eyes, needing him to remember this, know this. “I love you. So much, that sometimes I think I might spill over with it. I will always love you, my darling James.” She pressed one last kiss to James’s lips, then whirled around, dashing up the stairs just as she heard footsteps on the steps up to the porch. She didn’t dare look back, knowing that if she did, she would never be able to leave him. She knew she wouldn’t be able to watch as the world was removed of one wonderful, _brilliant_ , loving James Potter. So she ran, ran with Harry, up the stairs, into their bedroom, only to realize that James’s wand was nowhere to be found. She just _had_ to pick today, of all days, to leave her wand in the living room. She couldn’t help it, collapsing onto their bed for a moment, physically unable to stand. Almost robotically, she rocked Harry, hushing him under her breath as she walked into his adjourning nursery, wanting to spend the last few moments with him in someplace filled with lovely memories. Wanting him to feel safe, one last time.

 

* * *

 

      James breathed heavily, facing the door, as defenseless as he was the day he was born. He had nothing, no wand, no weapon, nothing. But he had the taste of Lily on his lips, her love running through him, and if this was how he was to die, so be it.

 

      The door blasted open, and James cringed, hand over his face to protect it. When the dust cleared up a bit, he saw _him_ , standing in the door, wand trained on his heart. James spread his arms, welcoming death, for someone, _someones_ , he loved. He would die a hundred thousand deaths for her, for him. And to die with the taste of her on his lips, her love the last thing he heard, well, there were worse ways to go. “Go on then, you great git. Do it.”

 

      There was no response, just a simple hiss of a word that brought oblivion. “ _Avada Kedava_.”

 

      A flash of green light, and James was falling to the floor. And the last thing James Potter ever thought, as the flash of green filled his vision and his eyes slipped close, was that he’d rather go blind than live in a world without Lily in it.

 

* * *

 

      Holding Harry close, Lily couldn’t help but recall James’s laughing face as he told her they would always be safe, for it was the Marauders who were trusted with their secret, so how could old Moldy-vort ever get them now? Lily closed her eyes, and felt a wave of sorrow and regret wash over her. Not for her, or even for James. They had known, when they kissed, when they dated, when they got married, that their life would never be a safe or easy one. No, she pitied Harry, an innocent who had committed no crime other than to be born to James and Lily Potter, other than to be the victim of a prophecy. The victim, yet the hero, yet the victim. He was to die for no reason other than Fate’s cruel sense of humor. Her baby, her sweet baby boy, half her, half James, entirely Harry. Lily would not cry for herself, she would not cry for James. She would not give into Voldemort, would not let one iota of so-called “mudblood weakness,” “mudblood inferiority” show. But she would cry for Harry, for the life he would never live, for how she and James would never get to take him to Platform 9 3/4 and see the wonder in his eyes, would never get to meet whomever he would fall in love with. She and James had at least had each other, but her baby would have none of it. She held Harry close to her, and told him over and over again, just how much she and James loved him.

 

      “My sweet baby, my lovely. I love you so much. James and I love you, we love you so. My baby boy, my darling, hush, hush, mommy has you, mommy loves you.” As she heard ghostly footsteps come up the stairs, she repeated, over and over, “I love you, my baby. Your daddy and I love you, so, so much. Always, my Harry, we will always love you,” utterly desperate that the last things she would say, the last things Harry would hear, was their love for him.  

 

      Lily looked up. Standing in the doorway, covered in a cloak, with a wand trained directly on her, was Voldemort. Everything in her hated to do this, beg _him,_ of all people, but she would, for Harry, she would do anything.

 

      “Please, please, not Harry, not Harry, kill me, _kill me_ , but not Harry, not Harry, please!” Lily gasped, clutching Harry to her chest.

 

      “Move.” The voice that came out of the hood covering Voldemort’s face more of a hiss than a word, and Lily could not help but shake, half-mad with fear for Harry.

 

      “Please, just kill me, do it, _do it_ , but let Harry live, let my baby live, please, _just let Harry live_!” Lily cried, begged. She curled around Harry, hoping with every fiber of her being that she could protect him, shield him. She hummed with desperation and love for him, her little baby boy. “Anything, please, just let my baby live! He’s just a child, a baby, please, let him live, anything, please, my baby, my baby, my bab–”

 

* * *

 

      It was not a car accident that would kill Lily Potter, as Harry would later be told. Rather, it was a flash of green light as she desperately pleaded for the life of her child. It was a clean death, no blood, no fuss. Such a contrast to Lily’s last moments, to the life Lily Evans Potter had lived. It was a mere word that would kill her, a flash of light. Such power, words had. And just like that, Lily Potter was dying, Lily Potter was dead.

 

* * *

 

      As Lily drifted out of conscience, the most absurd thought glided by. What a pity that no one would taste James’ Famous Pumpkin Pie, all caps needed, Lily thought as her eyes drifted closed. What a pity. What a _pity_ …What…a…pity… 

**Author's Note:**

> Right...so. Thoughts? Please let me know what you think!


End file.
